Category: HEALTH

“Heads Will Definitely, Probably, Maybe, Not Roll,” Taoiseach Confirms After Grace Report

READING from the same carefully prepared statement issued the last 49 times, a report into the HSE revealed myriad shortcomings in the health service which had catastrophic implications for vulnerable members of society, Taoiseach Enda Kenny explained that there may be an extremely remote chance of consequences for those responsible for the failure to protect… Read more »

GP Banging Out Inhalers Like They’re Going Out Of Fashion

A COUNTY Waterford doctor has broken all previous records for the number of asthma inhalers prescribed, claiming that 99% of his patients are currently using the device. Speaking from his surgery in the city centre, Dr. Terry Whelan popped open a bottle of Dom Perignon to celebrate, stating that his medical colleagues will ‘be sick’ when they… Read more »

Man On Diet Takes Massive Dumps Before Weigh-In

IN a bid to make sure that his weekly weigh-in has as impressive a weigh-drop as possible, local dieter Martin Killingham makes sure to strip naked and take the dump of a lifetime before getting on the scales, WWN can reveal. Waterford native Killingham has battled with his weight for years after discovering just how amazing… Read more »

Top 5 Cocktails To Drink While Pregnant

WITH a damning survey revealing that a startling 60% of Irish women consume alcohol while pregnant, it’s time to take a look at ways in which the average pregnant woman can still have a few drinks now and then without busybodies sticking their beaks in. Here’s 5 cocktails you should drink during the nine months… Read more »