Category: HEALTH

Considering An Abortion? Read This First

ARE you currently experiencing a crisis pregnancy in Ireland? With the recently introduced legislation which governs the legislation of termination services available or not available in or near your area, subject to article 45 paragraph 9, hitherto referred to as the article, but not affiliated with ongoing applications for a reversal of said legislation, binding… Read more »

“Fuck The Nurses,” Clarifies Government

REMOVING any ambiguity from recent comments made in public, to the Dáil, in the media and said privately when they think no one is listening, the Government have helpfully clarified for the public ‘fuck the nurses’, WWN can reveal. As separate strike actions from midwives and psychiatric nurses remain ongoing, the government has tried to… Read more »

HSE Down To Last Wire Brush, Bottle Of Dettol

ANYONE currently awaiting treatment for ailments ranging from chronic piles to chronic pyorrhoea have been advised to check with their local hospital to see if their appointment has been cancelled, after the HSE admitted that cutbacks have decimated its supply of Dettol, and the one wire brush owned by the health executive is ‘fucked’. Furthermore, the… Read more »

Dr Taoiseach To Give A&E A Dig Out Over Winter

MAKING a complete u-turn on earlier comments that all hospital workers, including consultants, nurses and back-up staff must work “at full whack” over the Christmas holidays, doctor-turned-Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has canceled his lengthy seasonal holidays from the Dáil and vowed to ‘scrub in’ alongside the overworked, under-resourced staff of Irish hospitals. “Leo always has his… Read more »

BREAKING: Population Of Wexford Voted World’s Sexiest People

THE entire county and population of Wexford has been voted the planet’s sexiest town and people in a poll published this morning, WWN can confirm. People of Wexford stole a large majority of the votes from some of the world’s biggest contenders, including Summer Bay in Australia, Love Island in Spain somewhere and loads of… Read more »