Category: HEALTH

Aborting Foetal Abnormalities Would Be Depriving Future Politicians Of Being Born, Claims Down Syndrome Community

THE DOWN SYNDROME community lashed out today at suggestions to abort fatal foetal abnormalities, stating it would deprive future politicians of being born. Spokesperson for the Irish Down Sydrome Association, Dermot Hayes, said that allowing terminations in such circumstances could lead to politically minded babies being “left to die on sterilised trays”. “Who will run our country… Read more »

Tumour Expected To Leave Hospital After Margaret Thatcher Removal

A MALIGNANT tumour is expected to leave hospital later today after a successful removal of a Margaret Thatcher, sources said last night. The four-month-old growth was admitted last week to have the operation. Doctors said the tumour was doing well and should be fit to leave hospital shortly after lunch time to “convalesce privately.” Tests will now be carried… Read more »

Drinking Coffee Makes You Live Longer Until We Change Our Minds Again, Say Researchers

PEOPLE who drink coffee live longer than non-drinkers, but researchers may change their minds again next week, a special report into the hot drink claimed today. Scientists found that compared with people who did not drink coffee, subjects who consumed large amounts of coffee were definitely living longer than the other ones they looked at a while… Read more »

Vatican Strikes D’Arcy Family Name From Church Register

THE VATICAN have announced today that anyone with the family name ‘D’Arcy’ will be stricken from all Catholic church records until further notice. Speaking from his safe-house in Rome today,  Pope Benedict BMW X5 said that the decision to ban the name from the register came after numerous attempts to silence both the Irish broadcaster, Ray Darcy, and… Read more »