Category: HEALTH

Groundbreaking New Drug Treatment For Suffering Emo’s

ONE in three Irish people know someone with a teenage Emo son or daughter a new survey has revealed, but in many cases it takes up to 14 years before teens are diagnosed with this debilitating illness. Emoism is now the “single biggest public health issue” in Ireland but is still neglected and stigmatised, Professor Darren… Read more »

Half Of Teens Back ID Cards To Help Remember Name And Address When Drunk

PRESSURE is mounting on the Irish Government to introduce a national identity card scheme following a survey which found that over half of teenagers feel this would help them remember important personal details when drunk. The WIT survey asked over 4,000 teenagers across the country what they thought about the introduction of a compulsory ID… Read more »

Over 98,000 Motorists Still Pick Nose Every Day.

MORE than 98,000 drivers a day are picking their nose while driving. A new WIT survey comes just two days after a Tramore man knocked down a prize heifer outside a Kilmeadan farm while ‘pick driving’ on his way to work. Under the Road Traffic Act 2009, drivers caught fondling their nostrils while driving will… Read more »

Miami Wins Right To Host The 2012 Obese Olympic Games.

Finally, America gets an Olympics. It has been announced that the 2012 Obese Games will be taking place in Miami, Florida. In a vote of high drama and nervous eating, the bustling American city of beaches, Disneyland resorts and fat retired old people, beat 17 other cities around the world for the opening of the… Read more »

Woman ‘Ecstatic’ After Abducting Newborn Baby

A CORK woman who stole a 2-week-old girl from the local Maternity hospital said she is absolutely ‘ecstatic’ today after evading Gardai and search-parties the past two days. After some very careful planning, Theresa Power snatched the child from hospital on Monday and is said to be very happy with her newly aquired baby girl. “Its… Read more »

Really Scary Animal-Flu News Story Due, Warn Experts

HUNDREDS of Irish people may die and thousands more suffer serious bouts of anxiety from watching intimidating animal-flu news bulletins, an expert group of Waterford scientists have warned today. It recommends that the nation consider abandoning all forms of aggressive news propaganda during such periods and just carry on with their every day lives. It also says… Read more »

New Death Penalty Points System Tames Chinese Drivers

 The number of road accidents in China has almost dropped 100 per cent in the first half of this year after the introduction of death penalty points and on the spot executions, culminating in disqualification from life. Statistics released this month indicate that the number of accidents in Beijing in the first 6 months of… Read more »