Category: Christmas

Local Child Fucking Knows

A CAT-AND-MOUSE game of nerves has broken out in the home of one Waterford family this year, as the parents of a 4th Class boy become increasingly aware that their son knows ‘the deal’ with Santa Clause. Louise and Michael Dornan, the parents of 9-year-old Phillip, were certain that last year was their son’s ‘last…

WWN Gift Guide For Mums

YOUR Mum will always tell you that she ‘doesn’t really want anything for Christmas’, but you’re not going to buy that old chestnut are you? She’s the most special lady in your life, and she deserves a treat as much as anyone else in the family. Here’s a few pointers to make sure she gets… Read more »

Santa Has Sack Torn In Workshop Accident

FATHER Christmas has been rushed to elf accident and emergency following an incident in his workshop where it is believed he tore a huge gash in his beloved sack. Santa, currently old as time itself, was said to be working quadruple overtime ahead of the peak Christmas rush when the accident occurred, as his bright… Read more »

WWN Gift Guide For Dads

YOUR Dad has been there for you from day one, helpful, supportive and loving… and you’re just going to give him a Lynx set for Christmas? You ingrate. You horrible person. Show a bit of God damn love and respect for the most important person in your life with the following gift ideas for Dad:… Read more »

Family Going To Take Mother Up On Her ‘Don’t Get Me Anything For Christmas’ Bullshit This Year

FOLLOWING years of festive exasperation, one Waterford family is to call their mother’s bluff and get her nothing for Christmas, as per her request every year since records began. Maureen O’Lennon, matriarch of the Lennon family, has replied with ‘ach, don’t be getting me anything’ or ‘don’t go to any trouble, I’m grand’ every single… Read more »

“Nice Of You Fuckers To Show Up For Once” Points Out Priest At Midnight Mass

A PRIEST, foregoing the unsteady truce between the clergy and Christmas mass goers, which involves pretending that he recognises everyone in attendance, has confirmed that it was ‘nice of you fuckin’ sin-soaked heathens to show up I suppose’. Spitting on the floor in their general direction, Fr. Willy Macken told parishioners of St. Declan’s church… Read more »