A VISIBLY relieved Bertie Ahern has admitted he is as surprised as anyone to find his name is not one of those listed in the Panama Papers, a huge tranche of documents which details questionable offshore banking practices availed of by rich and famous individuals around the world. With Vladimir Putin, Lionel Messi and David… Read more »
THE latest fish-based oil from the renowned Omega corporation is promising increased heart benefits, faster connectivity to the life around you, and a swarm of other new features when people upgrade from their standard Omega 3 product to the brand new Omega 4. The new supplement was unveiled at a glitzy health conference in Las… Read more »
IN A poignant press release, the creators of Lynx deodorant have admitted that they’ll never top the smell of their best-selling product, Lynx Africa. Named after the continent, Lynx Africa was released 20 years ago to a wave of praise from teenage boys across the world. The fragrance was added to bodysprays, roll-ons and shower… Read more »
BELOVED business tycoon Denis O’Brien has been advised by medical practitioners that he should sue someone as early as possible, or he may start to suffer from withdrawal symptoms. It has been at least a week since O’Brien, 57, placed a cease-and-desist order on a member of the public or a media outlet, which has… Read more »
FEMIPAX, a leading manufacturer of feminine sanitary products, has been forced to pull their line of tampons from supermarket shelves after it was found they were unsuitable for use while Kitesurfing. By EU standards, all tampons should provide lasting freshness and confidence to women all day, regardless of what activity they may get up to…. Read more »
AFTER the successful recovery of the Irish economy, highlighted extensively by the Labour-Fine Gael coalition over the last 24 months, the entire population is set to go on strike in a bid for better pay. “I’m not doing another tap until I get 70% added to my basic, and we’ll be talking about a company… Read more »
COMMUTERS in Dublin were left fearing for their lives this afternoon after yet another LUAS attack on a city centre motorist. Shortly after 4pm, a LUAS tram driver purposely rammed a Dublin city taxi driver, in an ongoing feud over pay increases. “We’ll keep ramming you’s cunts off the road if we don’t get what… Read more »
IN an incredible turn of events, a much-coveted new position in a prominent accountancy firm has been filled by a man who not only had the exact right qualifications for the job, he also happened to be a close acquaintance of the managing director. Mark Shields, 32, applied for the job as senior client manager… Read more »
FORMER Anglo Irish Bank CEO David Drumm has arrived back in Ireland this morning, where he instantly jumped in a cab and went to the USIT office to apply for a J1 visa back to the States. The shamed executive, who presided over Anglo Irish during the tumultuous lead-up to the fateful ‘bank guarantee’ which… Read more »
