Category: BUSINESS


Government: New Water Meters To Include ‘Draw Something’ App For First Million Customers

THE GOVERNMENT announced today that all new water meters will include a ‘draw something’ app for the first one million lucky customers. Taoiseach Enda Kenny unveiled a prototype version of the new water measuring device this afternoon which has a circular 5 inch touch-screen display unit mounted on its head. The free gaming application will work in conjunction with the meters main goal… Read more »

Fuel Prices Set To Soar After ‘Something Really Complicated Happened Somewhere Foreign Or Something’ , Say Distributors

FUEL prices are set to soar even higher this month after ‘something really complicated happened somewhere foreign or something’ say distributors. Four of the major producers of petroleum based fuels in the UK and Ireland claim that the hugely complex turn of events has left them with no choice but to push pump prices up another 10… Read more »

Unemployed Must ‘Pretend’ To Look For Jobs, Says Burton

THE Minister for Social Protection, Joan Burton, has warned today that the long term unemployed must now ‘pretend’ to look for jobs or they will be ‘threatened’ with losing their benefits for ever and ever. Pretending to look for Work, launched by Taoiseach Enda Kenny, Tanaiste Eamon Gilmore and Joan Burton, aims to get thousands of unemployed people falsifying documents and editing… Read more »

Outrage As Students Keep College Town In Jobs

HUNDREDS of distressed Waterford citizens were outraged this week as the annual college RAG festivities devastated the town with large injections of cash and jobs. Local businesses were said to be recovering today after what has been called the ‘worst week they have ever put down in their miserable lives’. Publican Michael Toomey told WWN today that he… Read more »

Vatican Makes Bid For Rangers FC

THE VATICAN has made a dramatic bid to buy Rangers FC debt in return for a total conversion to Catholicism and a 100% share in future earnings. Senior members of the Holy See travelled to Glasgow last night for talks with owner Craig Whyte and other members of the 140 year-old football club. Sources told WWN… Read more »

Global Cosmetics Industry Collapses After 55 Year Old Mum Who Looks 25 Reveals Secrets On Internet

SHARES in some of the biggest cosmetic companies around the world have crashed after a 55-year-old mothers secret to youthfull looking skin was revealed on the internet last year. An estimated 400,000 people will lose their jobs over the next few months as a result of the beauty tip. International companies Maybelline, Avon and L’ O’Real have… Read more »

Euro Crisis Over After Central Bank Employee Spills Coffee On Main Computer, Erasing Billions In Debt

          EUROPEAN countries rejoiced today after an 18-month sovereign debt crisis was brought to an end when a central bank employee accidentally spilled a skinny caramel Machiatto on the ECB’s main computer, erasing billions of euros in world dept. IT worker Nathaniel King said he was performing checks on the computers mouse lead when he… Read more »