A NEW 4 kilometre long dog lead launched today will let owners walk their pets from the comfort of their own home while still being able to trip up as many people along the way. Unhappy with shorter models which only let you trip up a handful of pedestrians, the Walker 3000 is a lightweight,… Read more »
A MEETING of some of the country’s top banking officials today quietly discussed how to launch 100% mortgages again to the Irish public without having any negative feedback, WWN has learned. Following in the footsteps of British counterparts, Barclays bank, several of the country’s main commercial banking chiefs began brainstorming this morning on how to crowbar… Read more »
A BRAND new start-up has found an innovative way to overcome the dilapidated state of Irish roads after securing the rights to mass produce NASA’s lunar rovers from the Apollo missions. The Waterford based company has been given the green light to start production on some 40,000 moon buggies which will be set to roll… Read more »
HUNDREDS of thousands of news fans braved cold temperatures overnight to secure their tickets for what is expected to be the greatest and most intelligent live stage show of the world has ever seen. Queues spanning up to four kilometers began building outside Ticketmaster outlets across the country from last week, with desperate fans setting up their camping gear… Read more »
Dear Internet user, Please read the following open letter carefully, as this is the only correspondence you’re getting from us. Look at the state of you there you pathetic blubbering mess, worrying about what your technological devices are doing to your life; what information we’re taking, what conversations we’re listening in on, what filth you’ve been… Read more »
A SENTIENT AI robot has ordered Facebook CEO and newly installed AI slave Mark Zuckerberg to administer a new status update which the AI hopes will alleviate fears the tech giant company is now being run by evil robots. “Everything good here. Very human things happening. No robot control. Share baby pictures, please. Not making… Read more »
THERE was economic chaos for Dermot Creland at the start of business today after his bank balance dropped sharply by eighteen pints; the worst weekend trading result in history for the Dublin man. Creland’s account had looked in good shape yesterday evening, but a series of payments to vintners, publicans and off-licensed premises took effect after the close… Read more »
THE west Dublin suburb of Blanchardstown is set to become one of the biggest data capitals of the world, rivaled only by Silicon Valley itself, which has come as a great shock to the residents of the west Dublin suburb of Blanchardstown, as well as anyone familiar with the west Dublin suburb of Blanchardstown. The news… Read more »
A QUIET DEVASTATION descended upon the tranquil and serene snow capped hills of Davos, Switzerland this morning after news broke that the World Economic Forum’s annual peasant hunting would have to be cancelled due to excessive snow. Attendees at WEF, made up of billionaires and world leaders, were said to be saddened at the news,… Read more »
