Category: BUSINESS


Average Irish Worker Earns Fuck All

NEW figures released by the CSO have confirmed that Irish workers make an average of absolutely fuck all, with almost 90% of the labour force in the country earning an estimated ‘is that fucking it?’ every month. The data also shows a rise of ‘sweet Jesus where did my wages go?’, as well as a… Read more »

PTSB Treated For PTSD

MANAGEMENT and staff at PTSB branches around the country are to be treated for post-traumatic stress disorder, following a €21 million fine arising out of 42 regulatory breaches surrounding tracker mortgages. Staff at the banks are to receive one-to-one counselling, extra paid days off, and other treatments such as personal masseuses, golf days and free dinners… Read more »

“Payback Time, Fuckers” Irish Public Tell Insurers Accused Of Running Cartel

THE IRISH insurance buying public has called on people not to rush to judgement after learning of the news that the European Commission has opened a formal investigation into Insurance Ireland’s data pooling system which may have made it possible for insurance companies to operate a cartel, illegally ripping off customers in the process. “Payback… Read more »

Government Rings 1850 National Broadband Plan Number For Answers

MINISTER for Communications Richard Bruton has asked the company set to receive the contract for the National Broadband Plan, Granahan McCourt, to elaborate on their plans to connect over a half a million Irish homes with fibre power broadband. WWN has the full transcript of the call below. NBP Line: Hello, and welcome to Granahan McCourt’s National Broadband Plan… Read more »

AIB Unveil New Armed ATM 3000

IRISH banking institution AIB has today unveiled a brand new heavily armed ATM robot which they say will combat a spate of robberies that have been plaguing banks around the country. The new ATM 3000 comes equipped with a .50 calibre automatic assault cannon, which can pierce through thick reinforced steel and even JCB shovels and… Read more »

Coffee Just Flavoured Tap Water, Finds Report

DESPITE thousands of claims of unique one-off blends of gourmet, fair-trade ethical coffee, a shocking report carried out by Waterford Institute of Technology found that 99.99% of coffee is only as good as the water it’s made in. “Sorry to burst your bubble here but no matter what the coffee claims to be, at the… Read more »