Ireland Opens New 17th Century Mental Health Facility

THE GOVERNMENT has welcomed their own decision to open a brand new 17th century mental health facility in an unsuitable location somewhere. The facility was opened via a ceremonial ribbon cutting to which no expert in the field of mental health was invited, although a world record for high fives and back slapping was set… Read more »

Sky Sports Buy Birthplace Of GAA At Auction

BREAKING NEWS coming from the Allsop auction of 230 properties suggest that Sky Sports have controversially bought Hayes’s Hotel in Tipperary, the birthplace of the GAA. The GAA was founded on the site in 1884 and had a guiding price of €500,000 but the BSKYB owned Sky Sports sealed the deal for £500,000 after they… Read more »

Man United Fans All Set To Watch EastEnders This Evening

REPORTS coming in to us today suggest that almost all Manchester United fans will be watching the latest episode of depression-fest EastEnders as there is absolutely no professional football competitions airing on any other channels this evening. This particular time of the year marks the first time in 18 years that the Champions League is… Read more »

Micheál Martin Being Treated For Amnesia

MICHEÁL MARTIN has been presented to hospital staff at St. James’s Hospital by a number of worried members of the public after the Fianna Fáil appeared to be walking around in a confused state, with no recollection of much of the past 20 years. “Ah, you just have to act when you see someone so… Read more »

Inside The Luxurious World Of A GAA Hurler’s Mansion

This is the first glimpse of the lavish new home of one of Ireland’s top sporting figures. The Kilkenny hurler, who cannot be named for home safety reasons, has given WWN permission to showcase his luxurious new property, purchased from the proceeds of his 12 year career with the GAA. The 32-year-old half-back’s home was… Read more »

Prefabs The Answer To All Of Ireland’s Problems, Confirms Government

THE Government has announced a €2.7bn deal with British prefab supplier Prefabulous today in what it calls ‘The Final Solution’ to all of Ireland’s problems. In a bid to tackle everything from homelessness to the conditions experienced by Asylum Seekers, Taoiseach Enda Kenny said prefabs were the way forward in dealing with large-scale accommodation issues…. Read more »

“I’ll Buy An Apartment In Bulgaria Now I’m Out Of Negative Equity”, Says Complete Moron

HAVING recently emerged from negative equity on his mortgage, one Clondalkin man is hoping to reignite his career as a property mogul; starting with the purchase of an off-the-plans apartment in Bulgaria. Christopher Sheeley, an unemployed 33-year-old, was one of thousands who found themselves with crippling mortgage debt after the property crash in 2009. In… Read more »