Football Fans Treated For World Cup Withdrawal Symptoms

Countless cases of football fans displaying symptoms closely associated with WCW (World Cup Withdrawal) have been reported this morning across the world following the end of the hugely popular sporting event. Hospitals have recorded a high level of patients suffering from WCW with some suggesting the condition can be as much as 5% more devastating… Read more »

Colleges Admit Arts Degrees Are Useless

With the final CAO submission deadline passing on the 1st of July, third-level institutions have issued a statement which finally sees them admit that arts degrees, of any description, are by in large completely useless. A man dressed in a suit, presumably from one of Ireland’s third-level institutions, appeared in front of a busy press… Read more »

Hungover Merkel Afraid To Check Phone

German Chancellor Angela Merkel is this morning, bracing herself before going through the 736 missed calls and 1,347 text messages on her phone, following a night of drunken debauchery in celebration of her country’s World Cup victory over Argentina. Merkel, said to be suffering from the worst dose of the fear ever recorded, has little… Read more »

Lonely Dublin Clamper Just Wants To Be Friends

Gary Chambers, a 42-year-old man from Dublin and employee of a clamping company has notched up a record 300 clamping incidents this week breaking the previous record of 299 held by another clamper from the previous day. WWN spoke exclusively to Gary on this, a most historic day in the history of Irish clamping. “I… Read more »