Illegal Wheelchair Racing Ring Shut Down

Five nurses and two doctors based in Connolly Hospital, Blanchardstown, Dublin have been arrested today. It is believed the individuals are the masterminds behind an underground illegal wheelchair racing ring rumoured to be worth as much as 20 million euro a year. The group are accused of organising wheelchair races involving patients at Connolly Hospital,… Read more »

Criminals Criticise Working Conditions

Following a botched post office robbery in Co. Meath yesterday the Criminal’s Union of Ireland (CUI) has spoken out against the hazardous job conditions its members must work in. It is believed a CUI member was badly injured when his balaclava fell over his eyes and he ran into a shelf knocking himself out during… Read more »

American Gun Enthusiasts Welcome Amazon Air Drone Targets Containing Free Prize

GUN ENTHUSIASTS have welcomed Amazons latest venture in air-delivery technology today, stating the drones will make great target practice with the bonus addition of a free prize. Thousands of excited Americans are expected to line up outside delivery centres once the drone trials start. “This will be like clay-pigeon shooting,” said one Texan. “Only for… Read more »

WWN Comment Of The Week

We’ve had quite a bit of feedback from ‘concerned readers’ about our earlier article Poor People To Make Sure Their Children Don’t Watch The Toy Show Tonight which produced this little gem from computer forensic scientist and Clonmel ‘hardman’ Chris Maguire. Congratulations Chris. You have won a nights stay and a dinner for two in The Ard… Read more »

Astronomy Ireland: ‘Comet Was Some Heap Of Shite’

ASTRONOMY IRELAND confirmed today that Comet ISON was ‘some heap of shite’ after it burned up today passing through the sun’s atmosphere. The crap piece of rock’s 5.5-million-year journey to the inner solar system ended after it broke up like a ‘soggy digestive in a mug of tea’ , astronomers have said. “It was hyped… Read more »