Category: BREAKING NEWS


Cavan Man Heads To UK In Response To Sperm Shortage

FOLLOWING the publishing of new statistics which suggest the UK is suffering from a shortage of sperm donors, Cavan native Eoghan Hand has volunteered to emigrate to London to make up for the shortfall. The report from the British Fertility Society highlighted a drop in sperm donors since the 2005 abolition of the right to anonymity… Read more »

Local Criminal Gang Endorse O’Reilly Cigarette Price Hike

Representatives for the North-East’s most predominant crime syndicate have today given their full backing for Minister For Health James Reilly’s plan to increase the price of twenty cigarettes by over 100% to €20. The move by O’Reilly, the latest in his war against tobacco, is estimated to be worth an extra €275,000 per annum to… Read more »

‘Wet Willy’ Attacks Up By 30% So Far This Year

Parents up and down the country have expressed their worry at news that ‘wet willy’ attacks are on the rise for the first time in a number of years. Most worryingly for the media the ‘wet willy’ or Uda Mentula to give it its latin name occurs largely offline, making it more difficult to whip… Read more »

Your ‘Suarez Ban’ Questions Answered

There seems to be a lot of confusion as to the exact details of the ban handed down to Uruguay and Liverpool’s Luis Suarez by FIFA. Suarez is banned from ALL footballing activity for biting Italian defender Chiellini. WWN is here to clarify the details as we have been busy pouring over our copy of… Read more »