Considering An Abortion? Read This First

ARE you currently experiencing a crisis pregnancy in Ireland? With the recently introduced legislation which governs the legislation of termination services available or not available in or near your area, subject to article 45 paragraph 9, hitherto referred to as the article, but not affiliated with ongoing applications for a reversal of said legislation, binding… Read more »

Taoiseach ‘Surprised’ To Hear He Has The Competence Level Of A Paraplegic Sloth

LEO Varadkar may be Taoiseach, but a new report into his current level of capabilities shows that he has the competence level of a paraplegic sloth, WWN can confirm. The Taoiseach was one of several high-profile politicians who had their competence levels calculated as part of RTÉ’s flagship health show ‘Operation Politician’, with Minister for Health Simon Harris,… Read more »

“We Have Standards Here” Satan Distances Himself From Brexiteers

THE instigators of Brexit are not welcome in hell due to moral standards laid out by its ruler in a rare but concise statement from the Dark Lord of the underworld. Satan, also known as the Devil, confirmed that there was “absolutely no chance” politicians like Jacob Rees-Mogg, Nigel Farage, Boris Johnson, David Davis, Theresa May or any of those responsible for Brexit… Read more »

Magic Mushrooms Could Solve Brexit, Claim Desperate UK Scientists

IN A last ditch effort to avert one of Britain’s biggest financial catastrophes, University of Oxford scientists have published a one page report claiming that psilocybin mushrooms could help heal damaged brain cells in the brains of Brexiteers. The report, which just simply stated ‘magic mushrooms could solve Brexit’, was published at 10am this morning by a team… Read more »