Criminal Assets Bureau Seize €12bn From Dept Of Health In Probe Into Illegal Nursing Home Charges

IN THE LARGEST seizure of cash in the history of the Irish police force, CAB have taken possession of €12bn from the Department of Health which it is believed the department is withholding under false pretences, as the money made up the compensation owed to individuals illegally overcharged by the State in public nursing home fees.

“This money is clearly from the proceeds of organised fraud and wanton crime and illegality, the idiots even left a paper trail” said one CAB official, drawing up a list of suspects in the form of former Taoisigh and ministers for health who had knowledge of the plot.

Sealed up in evidence bags and placed on display in the same manner as the seizure of .00005 grams of cannabis, the €12bn will now be returned to vulnerable families the Irish state actively plotted against to conceal the fact they were entitled to compensation after subjecting them to illegal nursing home charges.

“This is classic criminal cartel behaviour, conceal your misdeeds and tell no one,” said one CAB official learning the State knew it was at fault and couldn’t win cases taken to court, so instead pursued a strategy of dragging out and prolonging legal challenges while also keeping settlements from being publicly reported as not to attract attention.

Asked if this strategy was designed to ensure poorer families without the means to pursue legal action were shut out from receiving compensation they were 100% entitled to a spokesperson for the Dept of Lack Of Accountability said “Duh! Of fucking course, we’ve got an Einstein over here!”

Meanwhile, gardaí interested in pursuing this matter have been told to contact whistleblower Shane Corr.