Nuns Promise They Won’t Have Anything To Do With Maternity Hospital Or Your Stupid Whore Vagina

MINISTER for Health Stephen Donnelly has expressed exasperation at the public’s continued questions about the church’s involvement with the new maternity hospital, and insists that he has assurances from high-ranking nuns that the hospital will offer a full range of services to ‘even the dirtiest of trollops’.

“OK, we’ll admit that wasn’t his best interview on the subject,” said one of Donnelly’s PR team, after the minister became aggravated and expressed a desire for everyone to ‘get over it, for the love of God’ during an appearance on RTÉ radio this morning.

“But what more can he say on the subject? Everyone from the Taoiseach to the Tánaiste to that old nun over there with the gnarled hands and the worn-to-nothing rosary beads have stated that there will be no Catholic ethos at play in the new maternity hospital. What, are you telling me that people don’t trust the leaders of this country teaming up with a big load of nuns? I can see why Stephen went full trampoline out there”.

While the debate on the dealings behind the NMH continue, legal experts have concurred that although the services that will be provided for pregnant women at the site will be in keeping with current laws surrounding abortion, there was a lot of quite old-fashioned language used that was cause for concern.

“This framework document does indeed tally with what we would expect from a completely secular institution, but did they really need to say that terminations would be available for ‘anyone who couldn’t keep their legs closed’?” said one legal advisor.

“And the mention of a ‘silly girl’ ward, that seems unnecessary. Sometimes you can see where they should have written ‘woman’ but instead they’ve written ‘hussy’. Things like that. But other than that, no concerns”.

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