Government Deny Collecting Poor People’s Tears To Use As Lubrication In Post-Budget Orgy

THE FINE GAEL led minority government has fiercely denied claims that they have been hurriedly collecting the tears of poor people/low income workers resulting from their unveiling of Budget 2020 with the intention of using them for lubrication as part of the traditional and well earned post-budget orgy.

“Shit, we’ve been rumbled,” screamed now panicked members of Fine Gael as they ran for the hills, with large jars of water under their arms.

The tears-as-lubrication were made possible by countless budgetary decisions such as ‘deferring’ a 30 cent hike in the minimum wage due to the potential of a hard Brexit while also forgetting to defer TDs pay increase which was safely implemented in September.

“Don’t forget they also pretended concepts such as inflation and increased cost of living don’t exist, the sneaky pricks,” explained a Fianna Fáil TD who was giving a Fine Gael colleague a lift to the orgy which will also be attended by multinational firms and vulture funds.

While not wanting to appear visibly turned on by the thoughts of families combing through the budget, peering at its contents from in between their fingers like they were watching a horror movie, the government has asked for people to have some perspective.

“Families trapped in poverty and widening inequality are kind of taking the budget a little too personally, relax, it’s only a budget it’s not life or death,” explained one Fine Gael member who as part of one fun pre-orgy entertainment was swinging a golf club at a piñata, which was actually just a poor person.

“The idea that we’d especially single out workers families barely scraping by is ludicrous, surely they know we don’t think about them at all!”