Is Paul Murphy Stalin’s Love Child? Probably

FOLLOWING the Socialist Party playing one final gig on the rooftop of the Dáil in front of adoring fans, Paul Murphy announced the establishment of his new ‘RISE’ grouping, sparking chatter amongst the Fine Gael voting public that the Dublin TD must be the love child of Stalin.

With a desire to nationalise everything from the banks, Lidl and the expression on your face mid-sneeze, Murphy has all but confirmed a long standing rumour that he is the progeny of Gulag and purge-loving Soviet banter magnet, Joseph Stalin.

“It’s beyond sinister, Murphy and his radical loopy left heads would have me executed for owning 50 apartments crammed with exploited Brazilian students,” shared one Fine Gael voter accurately.

Now leading the Radical Internationalist Socialist Environmentalist, Murphy staged the first meeting of the grouping in his Ma’s house in Dublin, AKA New Leningrad, and sees all prospective members required to help Murphy build a den fort and utter the secret password ‘Marx my words’ to gain entry.

Murphy (36), is alleged to be the son of Stalin, a man who died over 66 years ago. “The math checks out,” confirmed one political commentator, who added that in true communist fashion the pregnancy itself was shared among all Soviet women.

“Those lefties are a reeducation camp short of making any sense at all,” remarked one Fine Gael TD, who couldn’t help but laugh at the left, which now has over 15 separate groupings compared to Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil, who stick together no matter what damage they cause.

Murphy (real name Commie Stalin McSoviet), who was presumably sleeping upside down in an abandoned Soviet coal mine, was unavailable for comment.