“You Say ‘Dictatorship’ Like It’s A Bad Thing”

REPEATING the buzzwords he has used since taking office British prime minister Boris Johnson has pleaded with the British public to be ‘optimistic’ about his attempts to shut parliament down for 5 weeks, effectively suspending democracy and paving the way for his plan to force through a no-deal Brexit with no opposition.

“C’mon guys, where’s that can do spirit? That daring-do spirit of the blitz? You keep saying ‘dictatorship’ like it’s a bad thing, where’s your optimism?” said Johnson as he dismissed claims that locking MPs, who were planning on drafting and passing laws which would prevent a damaging no-deal Brexit, out of parliament was a suspension of democracy.

“Let me protect British sovereignty by suspending British sovereignty. When you calm down you’ll see that me using craven anti-democratic tactics like this is straight from the Putin playbook, and he’s famously not a dictator,” Johnson added, posing beside a big red bus which said ‘we needlessly send democracy around the country to every citizen every day, let’s give me all that power instead’.

Johnson maintained that being an unelected leader suspending parliament filled to the brim with elected representatives wasn’t in any way something to be concerned about and in a bid to ease fears confirmed that needlessly giving out about such things will be the first thing he makes illegal under this new regime.

“I mean… how much do we need a functioning democracy really when you have me, a man who is was not elected by the public to be prime minister in the first place?” Johnson concluded, looking a little annoyed at how much people objected to him ruling with no oversight or consequences.

Elsewhere, a depressingly significant portion of the British voting public seem perfectly okay with this.