“Oh Please Not More Tarrifs, You’re Really Tickling Us” – Xi Jinping

CHINESE President Xi Jinping has called on the United States to stop imposing new tarrifs on all Chinese goods, stating that it’s starting to tickle the nation and making everyone laugh.

Chuckling to himself at an official press conference, the 66-year-old general secretary of the Communist Party of China struggled to hold back tears of laughter as he pleaded with Donald Trump to rethink his latest attempt to punish China, for the sake of Trump’s own country.

“Ha ha… please, ha ha, I’m so sorry, but you’re killing us here with your hilarious circus,” a doubled over Jinping began, desperately trying to regain his composure, “ha ha these tarrifs are really hurting your own people. No one else; its like kicking yourself in the balls really hard, do you even know what you’re doing, you complete and utter imbocile?”

The new tarrifs, which will be added onto the price of goods entering the US, is expected to cost American consumers billions of euros, something the president doesn’t seem to be aware of, or indeed, care about.

“Mr. Trump watched a YouTube tutorial on trade wars and he’s under the impression this is a bad thing for China, and not the other way around,” a source close to the president explained. “Currently we’ve a team of people trying to explain how it all works using simple terminologies”.

Meanwhile in the Oval Office, the exhausted team took turns in explaining the predicament to the president: “If China wants to trade a consignment of two apples, and America decides to add another apple, how many apples will Americans have to trade for that assignment now to complete the deal?”.

“Three apples, which is more than two, so we win the war,” Trump concluded, for the 47th time.