Kinahan Cartel To Use Recyclable Drug Packaging From 2020

THE Kinahin cartel has become the latest multi-billion euro consumer goods group to undertake pledges on recycling plastic packaging by vowing to use 100% recyclable wrapping on all drug shipments from 2020, an associate confirmed today.

The shift will see Europe’s biggest importer and distributor of illegal narcotics paving the way to become the leading ecological cartel in the world, while also promising to cut its carbon emissions by 30% in the next 12 months by reducing the number of informants in the group.

“All our unrecyclable heavy duty plastics we use to transport bales of cocaine, heroin and cannabis will be phased out over the next four months in favour of more eco-friendly materials,” said a spokesman for the organisation.

“By killing off the rats in our cartel we’re also directly cutting carbon emissions. This is something very dear to our heart and we are only happy to contribute to tackling climate change”.

Despite bad press linked to dozens of murders and being responsible for flooding the most impoverished parts of society with highly addictive drugs, the cartel aims to clean up its image this year in the hopes that normal everyday drug users with expendable income ignore the cold hard truth of funding such a terror-driven organisation tainted with blood.

“Consumers are a lot more concerned about the plastic wrapping on their drugs these days and the effects that has on the environment,” the spokesman added. “All our low-level dealers will now use hemp based ziploc bags and will start supplying addicts with nothing but 100% recyclable syringes, since the Irish government isn’t really bothered on that front”.