Man Torn Between Hating Government & Hating Dole Scum

THE decision by the government to penalise long-term dole recipients for failing to find work has caused local man Fintan Gelford to take a moment out of his day to question his politics, morals and beliefs, WWN can exclusively confirm.

Having never been the recipient of a social welfare payment in his life, Gelford has often been critical of those in society who appear to have no interest in ever joining the workforce, a sector of people who he finds himself referring to as ‘fuckin dole lads’ or ‘dole pricks’.

However Gelford, 48, also believes that the government is ‘a shower of cunts’ who are more than likely using the cuts to 6,000 social welfare recipients as a way of sucking up to voters who want a harsher stance on the long-term unemployed, following widely-criticised schemes such as Leo Varadkar’s ‘Welfare Cheats’ toutline.

“This new ploys appeals to me as a voter, even though the fact that I can see that this is a ploy to appeal to me as a voter does not appeal to me,” sighed Gelford, grimacing with the conundrum of it all.

“I’m over here cursing them for being blind to austerity from their Ivory towers, but then on the other hand, my own austerity blindness has left me saying ‘good job lads’, from my own… well, it’s not an Ivory tower, but it’s better than some people have, I suppose. Are the government cunts? Are dole scum cunts? Am… am I a cunt?”

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