What Will Dublin Pedestrians Walk Out In Front Of If There’s No Traffic?

DUBLIN residents and tourists alike have lashed out at plans to pedestrianise large portions of the inner city, claiming that wandering blissfully out in front of traffic is part of what makes a visit to Dublin such a unique experience.

Dublin City Council yesterday initiated the first of several ‘trial runs’ at pedestrianisation in town, cordoning off a stretch of road from College Green to Dame Street which in the past has been a favourite place for people to stroll out in front of a bus without looking.

Although council officials have deemed the experiment an ‘interesting success’, a protest group has hit out at the notion that Dublin would some day become a safe place for people to walk around with their heads up their holes.

“For 13 hours yesterday, College Green was closed, forcing us to head to other areas of the city to walk out in front of a taxi” said a spokesperson for Walkers Against Safety.

“College Green, right beside Trinity College is the perfect place where tourists, locals, cars, taxis, rickshaws, Luas trams, bikes and motorcycle couriers can come together in a neat one-way five-point junction with six separate traffic lights and a footpath only a yard wide… it’s a Dublin tradition to spill out onto the street here.

“Get shoulder-bumped by an open-topped bus, get into a fight with a Luas driver because he didn’t stop his 4-carriage tram when you ride your bike out in front of him. If you take this away from us, we’ll be forced to go elsewhere. Do you want us on the M50, looking at Google Maps on our phones while crossing three lanes? Cos we’ll fucking go there”.

Dublin Council has taken the feedback on board, and are hard at work on a multi-billion euro proposal that will please nobody.