ACTING on new measures by Irish Water to impose excessive usage charges on households that waste water, local man Ian Casey began searching through his phone’s contact list for his old protester pals who he hasn’t seen or talked to for the past 5 years.
“Dan is married now with kids and Jamie seems to have emigrated to Canada,” Casey scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief at how quickly times change and how few members of his old band of water meter protestors are left, “ah, Gerry’s now campaigning against 5G – he’ll be a game ball for a comeback tour”.
In a concerted media campaign launched yesterday, the Commission for Regulation of Utilities (CRU) claimed between 7% and 10% of domestic metered households are using more than the annual allowance, much to the delight of Irish Water, who have been waiting in the shadows for the right moment to pounce on the Irish public for 5 years.
“I told you it was only a matter of time before they tried this shit, Cathal,” a now panicked Ian Casey told another former water meter protestor pal on the phone, “we need to get the guys back together, like the good old days, Dave, Charlie, Pat, Mary; we need to finish what we started, before it’s too late”.
Not content extorting thousands of euros for individual water pipe connections for newly built homes, Irish Water can now legally charge some 80,000 plus households with penalties set at €1.85 for each 1,000 litres used on top of the annual allowance.
“I’m really busy these days since I got that sales job,” Casey’s friend replied to his request to ‘rejoin the band of protesters’, “and besides, I’m making enough money now to pay the water charges so I don’t really mind it, ya know? Times have changed, Ian – it’s time we all grew up”.