WITH the announcement by minister for health Simon Harris of plans for 6 regional health areas within the HSE, Ireland is tantalisingly close to being just 30 rushed overhauls away from the health service not being in any better shape.
“This is definetly going to work…probably,” an exhausted looking Simon Harris said, hoping the public and media to just play along with this charade.
Details on future overhauls are scant but it is presumed any red flags or issues raised by clinicians, patients and healthcare workers not on an advisory board will be ignored as is proving to be the case with the latest Sláintecare unveiling.
“No progress has been made in the 16 years since the HSE was set up, now just imagine the lack of progress we’ll continue to make if we carry on ignoring the concerns of frontline staff,” explained a consultant who has won the contract to come up with slogans and buzzwords for all overhauls.
“Next up after SláinteCare is OspidéalDeal, Tinn Plan and Ní Féidir Liom Care, I know they sound impressive but it’s basically giving one lad a bucket of Dulux and €3 billion to go round giving hospitals a lick of paint”.
With the Irish Hospital Consultants Association already criticising the lack of real integration of services and highlighting the dearth of home care or nursing home supports, the HSE has taken a big step towards being poorly run in new and interesting ways.
“Yes, but look at how shiny this folder is and look at the brightly coloured maps,” added Minister Harris, before explaining that no matter how ambitious a HSE plan was, it would never recommend paying nurses more money, increasing staff levels or basic common sense supports like that.