THE government have moved to ease fears surrounding the escalating costs and controversies surrounding the National Broadband Plan, by hiring the bald dude off the old WiMAX ads to write a catchy jingle explaining everything.
The move comes as a crushing blow to WiMAX themselves, who had intended to use iconic singer JJ Thompson as part of an advertising campaign to herald the arrival of their own 5G network in the country.
However, the government managed to swoop in with a much higher offer, securing the services of the US-based jingle master to create a song that easily explains how handing the rollout of a €3bn broadband network across the country is going smoothly, and how no further questions should be asked.
“‘Broadband! Something something something… National Broadband plan, is going just fine…’… you get the idea” said a spokesperson for the government’s jingle division.
“Once JJ gets on board, it’ll all fall into place. We spoke to him today, and he was amazed at how much money we offered him. He said ‘look, you’d get someone to do that jingle for a fraction of the cost’. We said, ‘nope, it’s you we want and here’s what we want to give you’.
“Then he said ‘hey, I’d even do it for half the money you’ve offered’. Again, we said ‘no, this is the money we’re going to spend and if you need more, you just let us know, ok?’ Don’t worry about money, the taxpayer has plenty. Just make with the catchy guitar riff, and sharpish”.
Meanwhile as the National Broadband Plan continues to show it has all the makings of a future tribunal, sales of pitchforks soared around the country.