Nation’s Mind Finally At Rest As Law To Protect Bankers Is Passed

THE entire nation of Ireland can rest easy this week as Minister for Finance Paschal Donohoe begins drafting laws which might see senior bankers possibly disqualified from their jobs, like real people, if they break the law but will protect them from any criminal prosecutions for their actions.

Similar to putting inmates in charge of a prison, Mr. Donohoe, who is apparently responsible for the country’s finances, will hand over all enhanced disciplinary control to the Central Bank to maybe punish any bankers who step out of line, making all banking crimes in Ireland ‘civil in nature’, and immune from any criminal repercussions.

“It’s just great to pass the buck over to the bucko’s,” insisted Donohoe, now glad he doesn’t have to deal with the big scary bankers anymore, “let the white collars rule themselves properly from now on – it’s worked perfectly fine in the past.

“I’m sure whatever financial crimes are committed by Irish bankers from now on, will be handled swiftly and diligently by the Central Bank”.

Welcoming the news, Irish citizens applauded the government’s courage in handing more powers over to the Central Bank, and yet somehow protecting bankers from prison.

“Imagine crashing a nation’s entire economy, causing immeasureable financial and human suffering; suicides, emigration, and then to be fined a few quid for it?” said one happy citizen we spoke to today, “Paschal Donohoe is a fucking genius if you ask me – great move”.

Meanwhile, Minister for Justice Charles Flanagan has also decided to take a similar approach to the ongoing gang problem in Dublin, allowing drug cartel boss Christy Kinahan to police Dublin gangland while disbanding all members of An Garda Síochána.