Facebook Launches Own Currency, Military, Hospitals, Schools

WHAT first appeared to be the most sophisticated Nigerian Prince scam of its kind ever attempted has actually been confirmed as ‘Libra’; Facebook’s foray into creating its own digital currency.

Not content with pitching what fans have called ‘the worst Black Mirror episode ever’ Facebook also announced other small projects such as an army numbering 500,000 elite level soldiers, the annexing of territory and the building of essential infrastructure for citizens of Facebook including hospitals, roads, schools, prisons and oddly their own milk.

“Me money now” shared a short circuiting Mark Zuckerberg as he announced Libra, and pitched his idea that the company you can’t trust with your data could be trusted with your money.

Facebook, a company which was previously found to have attempted to manipulate the emotions and moods of over 600,000 of its users by reducing their exposure to ‘positive emotional content’, will now presumably apply a responsible and restrained approach to knowing how much money users have without creating an environment that manipulates them into spending it at specific times, on specific things.

The digital currency is being described as a major shake up in global finance and once Facebook’s army and Zuckerberg’s exoskeleton mounted with machine guns is ready the humble social network, which you primarily use to wish old school friends you’ve lost touch with a happy birthday, will achieve total world domination.

Libra will not launch until 2020 but it is feared this is still not enough time for you to get your head around understanding what a ‘blockchain’ is.