ACCORDING to measures laid out by the Irish government’s Climate Action Plan, people earning below and average wages are the planet’s only hope when it comes to fulfilling carbon emission targets and saving the environment.
“We decided against going down the free transport route, it just made way too much sense,” said Minister for Climate Action Richard Bruton explaining the ‘plan’ which had very little concrete goals linked to specific time frames.
“We thought better of troubling proud climate defenders like fuel-chugging airlines, big manufacturers, multinationals. Besides, they already pay enough tax here, the poor craters”.
Instead, the government is set to put the onus on the people of Ireland with a string of taxes which will most definitely factory reset the planet back to its original settings by 2050.
“We figured that everyone did so well in bailing out the banks ten years ago, surely they’d have no problem bailing out their government’s incompetence,” Mr Bruton added, “Everyone there in average wage land will be delighted to foot the bill and fudge a few figures to ‘meet’ climate change targets, and more importantly – help to keep the EU off our backs until its Fianna Fáil and the Greens turn at blaggarding them”.
The new Climate Action Plan has been welcomed by just about everybody WWN spoke to today, including Waterford man James Murphy.
“It’s great the whole world is now depending on a percentage of my salary,” said the proud planet Earther, “I can’t wait for all that praise we’re going to get when the planet is back on its feet again in 2050”.