SPEAKING at a prearranged press conference outside his family home, Waterford man Derek Tracey informed the local and national media that he has enough aftershave in the toilet cabinet right now to last him the rest of his life, and if anyone was thinking of getting him more, “don’t”.
The 43-year-old listed off almost a dozen high end colognes to the assembled media, which he now estimated to cost well into four figures, insisting that he rarely sprays aftershave on himself, only when he’s heading down to the local for his weekly pint.
“Seriously, I could start my own store here I’ve got so many fragrances,” Mr. Tracey explained. “I know father’s day is tomorrow and I really appreciate the sentiment, but please, for the love of God, don’t buy me any more, I’m good”.
Listing an array of other items not to purchase, socks were surprisingly excluded due to Tracey announcing a similar request not to buy socks in 2017.
“Now, I know I said I didn’t want any more socks two years ago, but I am out of them at the moment, so… ” he hinted, tapping his nose with his finger before winking at his 14 year old son Jack, “and boxers too; a man can never have enough boxers”.
UPDATE: Following a burglary at the Tracey home last night, aftershave is now back on the table of items that are okay to buy for Derek Tracey along with an iMac, 55″ plasma TV, four Playstations and a Yamaha soundbar.