TODAY was supposed to mark the day Theresa May resigned her position as leader of the Tory Party, thus sparking off a leadership race but now, despite giving ample notice, May has dramatically requested a last minute extension after she realising she hasn’t got her shit together.
“I know I chose the departure date but,” a harried looking May said while scrambling around her office, with only a handful of cardboard boxes filled with her personal, choosing to further delay a process that was to result in her successor being put in place by July 22nd.
May reiterated her desire to leave her position, even ramping up her rhetoric surrounding how intent she is on leaving, however, she made it clear she would need more time.
“I am passionate, now more than ever, about getting the fuck out of here so I can continue to fail upwards and line my pockets in the private sector but it has become clear an extension of the initial self-imposed deadline is needed,” May added as sat back down in her chair, exhausted after nearly having to convert words into actions.
May’s exit from the Tory leadership seat is proving far more complex than initially thought as she really had no idea the party were this serious about voting in Boris Johnson.
“Are there any articles we can revoke?” May asked, before muttering ‘oh you’ll fucking miss me when I’m gone, just you wait and see. I’ll look like the love child of Einstein and Hawking when Johnson’s done with you lot’.