AMERICAN president Donald Trump is touching down at Shannon Airport this afternoon and WWN is on hand to deliver you all the most up-to-date updates we can update you with.
Don’t forget. Doonbeg to be officially renamed ‘Donaldbeg’ in a ceremony at 7pm. All whites welcome.
Bored US sniper on Doonbeg hotel roof now just shooting some locals in the legs.
Trump tucking into a large Supermacs mighty mac meal now before heading on to Doonbeg.
It’s not just Donald that’s here, his lovely wife Melania is with him and she is scheduled to meet some of her peers; a group of women trafficked to Ireland for sham marriages
“What about the corporation tax in Ireland…” Journalist asks Trump before being subdued with chloroform rag but everyone in attendance.
“Tá tu amadan” – Trump is to receive a plaque now inscribed in Irish with a message which he has been told means ‘You are handsome and full of bigly brains’
Although he only touched down a short time ago Trump has already complained about the quality of Clare’s prostitutes.
Shouts from Shannon Airport protesters now of “you keep children in cages, you heartless monster” but unclear if it’s a comment on Trump’s detention centres or Varadkar’s direct provision centres.
“How much would it cost to relocate the Cliffs of Moher to the Mexican border?” Impressed Trump asks Taoiseach after passing over cliffs on his way
Anti-Trump protester numbers expected to swell significantly once the Irish public learn Trump recently cut HSE funding to disability charity Inclusion Ireland by 20% and made the Central Bank back calls to lift a ban on bankers bonuses
Cian Twomey, Dy Spiral, Fidelma from Glenroe among celebs lined up to meet Trump
US Secret Service have admitted to fearing for the safety of the nation after working all of 5 minutes with Gardaí
“Suppose your more used ta golden showers, huh?” Shannon Airport officials making small talk now with Trump about the weather.
Trump momentarily disappears after walking past the orange bit of the tricolour.
Nation reminded that Obama dropped more bombs than Trump and we even gave him his own petrol station as he greets the Taoiseach now
Sad bit of news as 12 Joe.ie interns have been killed in a stampede as they all tried to get a photo of a ‘Careful Now, Down With This Sort Of Thing’ poster.
Members of the government will lie down on the tarmac at Shannon airport to allow Trump to walk across their bodies thus avoiding getting the soles of his shoes dirty or wet.