THE figures are in; according to the TomTom Traffic Index, Dublin is among the top 20 most traffic-congested cities in the world, and the sixth most snails-pace place to drive in Europe.
With so many of us clogging the roads every day, it’s time to get clever. Here’s a few ways you can spend your time while gridlocked:
1) Do your make-up
Ladies, if you’re going to be stuck on the M50 for half the morning, why not use this time to get your face on? You can use your rear-view mirror to help apply your make-up; traffic is going nowhere. And when it does, you can look up. See, a mile of open road just appeared before you. Maybe that’s why all those cars were beeping behind you?
2) Check your mails
If you’ve got a phone, you can work. Use your onerous commute to work to get a head start on emails, emails, maybe a few more emails, Twitter, piss around on Facebook or whatever. Again, if the traffic starts moving, the people behind you will beep you and move you on. Be grand.
3) Get some extra sleep on the morning
Fuck it, there’s always traffic on the road. Get another ten minutes in bed before you leave. You need it, you’re pure hungover from a few beers last night. You’re heading into heavy traffic, it’s pointless to fight against it.
4) Accept that this is life
Your job is never going to change start times to accommodate traffic spike times, your kids’ school is never going to stagger drop-off times for classes, the roads are never going to get any better, people are going to crash or breakdown or run out of petrol… traffic is part of you.
It’s never going to change. They’re still selling houses in Athlone and advertising them as ‘driving distance to Dublin’. Just lean into it. Fuck it, sixth in Europe? Let’s make it first! One car, one person, everyone head the same direction, fuck your bikes in the river, never even think about using the bus. 3 hour commutes for everyone!