MANAGEMENT and staff at PTSB branches around the country are to be treated for post-traumatic stress disorder, following a €21 million fine arising out of 42 regulatory breaches surrounding tracker mortgages.
Staff at the banks are to receive one-to-one counselling, extra paid days off, and other treatments such as personal masseuses, golf days and free dinners in a bid to help them overcome their PTSD flashbacks, incurred over four years of investigations into mishandling of over 2,000 tracker mortgage holders.
“I can still see all those horrible houseless people, screaming at us while we were just trying to maintain adequate turnover at the branch and protect our bonuses” said on PTSB chief, reeling from the shellshock of a bank actually being fined.
“After all we’d been through as a banking unit. We survive the crash of 08, and this is what happens to us. People call us baby-evicters, spit on us, when all we wanted was to serve our bank, maybe get on the board, retire with a golden Rolex and a generous lump sum… now, some of us can’t even sleep a full 9 hours at night. It shouldn’t happen to a veteran of the banking wars, it just shouldn’t”.
Medical staff treating PTSB for PTSD have announced that they’ll be trying a new technique, which involves reminding staff that as the public basically own the institute following the banking guarantee, the public will basically be paying the bulk of any fines levied against them.