STILL struggling to process the resignation of their beloved leader Theresa May, the Conservative Party has decided to cope with treating the loss of such a respected and inspirational figure as they would the departure of any colleague, leaving a card at reception for everyone to sign, and drinks in a pub (yet to be decided) after work next Thursday.
Famed for her skill in high-level negotiations, her ability to govern justly and wisely, her warmth and charm when dealing with the public and her transcendental dancing, May will leave an unfillable void in the heart of British politics when she steps down on the 7th June, as evidenced by some of the tear-stained messages left by co-workers on her going away card.
“Brexit; you were so, so close”, wrote ex-Prime Minister David Cameron, who called back to his old office to let Mrs. May know that retirement isn’t so bad.
“We’ll try to struggle on without you, T” said fellow Tory Boris Johnson, before adding “What’s the password for your computer by the way?”, and nine smiley faces.
“Ah, you weren’t such a bad aul bitch, so you weren’t” wrote Labour’s Jeremy Corbyn, adding, “I hope the next boss is as easy to sit across from”.
Other comments on the card included “At least you’ve got tomorrow off, LOL”, “You’ve worked so hard for us for so long, if anyone has this rest earned it’s you”, and “Mexit means Mexit”, with many more MPs still queuing up around the corner to pay homage to one of the best British MPs of the last three years.
As well as heartfelt messages, a whip-around for the departing PM has raised almost 19 pounds sterling, which Mrs. May will be sure to spend before the currency takes a sharp devaluation for no particular reason.