IN THE latest in a series of measures to de-homosexualise the state, Alabama lawmakers have passed a motion to redact verse John 18:1-13 from all bibles which details Judas kissing Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.
Alabama Republican Gov. Kay Ivey defended her signing of the new bible legislation, which will also recall all current editions containing the passage, stating it was ‘God’s will’.
“God obviously forgot to proofread John’s verses and overlooked this blatant gay sex scene,” said the Governor, shuddering at the thoughts of one man kissing another man before spitting her chewing tobacco out onto the Senate floor.
“Anyone I’ve been speaking to agree that this verse is creepy makes everyone feel a little bit funny inside and uncomfortable, so we’ve decided to recall all bibles containing John 18:1-13 to burn them in a public ceremony – it’s just a shame we couldn’t burn that fag Judas too”.
Earlier in the week, Alabama made world news headlines after 25 republican men passed the country’s most restrictive ban on abortions, opposing the only 4 women serving in the state Senate.
“Women are incapable of deciding for themselves,” Ivey explained her motion to ban abortion, “when I go into a restaurant I never know what I want so my partner usually chooses for me. It’s what men do so well, and they know what’s best for women”.