5 Questions For Any Politician That Knocks On Your Door

IT’S election time, which means you’re about to get a knock on the front door from a local political wannabe, espousing their virtues and attempting to win over your precious #1 vote.

But before you nod along with their policies (or indeed chase them from your doorstep), here’s 5 questions that you should put to them first:

1) Would you like to come in?

Invite the politician in to your home. Having spent the day thanklessly canvassing and fielding everything from indifference to outright hostility, the jaded politician will invariably agree, and join you in your living room for a sit down.

2) D’you think that wall needs a lick of paint?

Interrupt whatever local nonsense your now-comfortable politician is talking about as they sip their cup of tea, and ask them their opinion about a few DIY jobs that need doing around the house. “Tell me, do you think that wall could do with a few shelves?”, or perhaps “Would you paint that wall Magnolia, or Ivory?”. Simple opinions that can lead you on to the next question.

3) Would that be a job you’d be able for?

At this point, your politician is in your home, they’ve drunk your tea… it would not be a good look for them to turn down a simple DIY request right now. Ask them if ‘that would be a job you could manage’, but say it in such a way that suggests that if they want your vote, they’d better start earning it.

4) Would you like more tea? 

It’s only polite to ask someone who is replacing the decking out the back of your house if they’d like a cuppa. When your politician gets done with that, you’ve some gutters that need cleaning.

5) Would you kindly leave my house?

You don’t need to get the first council hopeful that arrives at your door to do all your chores; save some for whoever arrives next. And tomorrow. And every day after. Trust us, they’re in no position to say no, they’re that desperate for votes. You could probably get a few of them to build you an extension of your kitchen, really. Enjoy it while it lasts, because it’s the last time you’ll get any work out of them if they’re elected.