Man Caught With 27,000 Cigarettes Forced To Smoke Each One

CUSTOMS officers and Gardaí are today watching over a man caught with 27,000 contraband cigarettes while he smokes every single one of them, in a bid to teach him a lesson about the dangers of smuggling.

“If he wanted to bring the fags into the country so much, then it’s only right he smokes them” said one Revenue officer, speaking from outside Rosslare Europort where the discovery was made.

“He’s gotten through about ten packs since this morning, so he has a way to go yet. We don’t care how long it takes, or how much he gives out, he’s smoking every single one of them”.

The ‘tough love’ approach to the seizure is in keeping with new Garda rules stating that those caught with cigarettes, drugs or alcohol will be 100% free to go once they consume all the illicit items.

“We’ve one lad who’s on week five of snorting €2m worth of coke seized in Dublin, and five lads smoking a full growhouse of weed that we found in the midlands last week,” our source informed us.

“They’re starting to get the message. You can hear them giving out ‘please, I can’t go on, my nose is falling off’, ‘I have stage 4 cancer’, ‘I’m after pissing out a liquidised kidney’… yeah yeah, we hear you. Keep going or we’ll double it”.

Although Gardaí have claimed that the accused will suffer no further punishment after smoking all 27,000 cigarettes, it’s a fair assumption that the man is at least grounded for a week too.