WWN would like to apologise to readers for alarming them with a headline that suggested a huge tropical storm was about to destroy their lives, loved ones and properties, and would like to reassure you that said storm is taking place on the far side of the world and as such has no bearing on you and yours.
WWN would like to clarify that when we said the storm is taking place on ‘the other side of the world’, we didn’t mean Australia or New Zealand or wherever it is your cousin is working on the buildings and making a fortune since he moved out there in 2008. The storm is in India and as such has no bearing on you or yours.
WWN would like to assure our Indian readers that the storm very much has a bearing on you or yours, but as a western media outlet we have a duty to our parent company to cover sensational news stories that have the biggest impact on our key demographic, which predominantly skews away from people from Southern Asia.
WWN would like to apologise to our parent company and all associated shareholders for exposing the nature of news media in western countries, and for pulling back the veil on how more sensational stories that largely effect middle-income white people are easier ‘sells’ to our marketing team.
WWN would like to apologise to our marketing team for suggesting that they’re the driving force behind what should otherwise be an impartial news outlet that treats all life on this planet as equal, and cares as much about a tropical storm in India as it does about a tropical storm somewhere in, say, America.
WWN has received word from a Waterford woman who was on holidays in the affected region just two short months ago! Ok, this we can use! Get an article ready! Get some advertisers on the phone! We’ll turn this around yet!