Can You Spare A Minute To Sign Your Friend’s Self Righteous Petition? ​

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YOUR friend wants you to spare one minute of your time to fill out an online petition they found in the hopes of further enhancing their social status as a kind, concerned member of the general public, WWN can confirm.

The petition, one of 15,000 created on change.org every month, has so far been signed by over 2,000 other like-minded heroes and is expected to change “fuck all” over the coming days.

“Look, I don’t really care what it’s about, but best sign it because it looks good and fills a void in your life of shameless inaction,” your friend sort of implied by posting it on their Facebook page, publicly, “just don’t bother opting in for the chip in option asking you to donate money, because that’s just a conjob and we’re not that stupid to think change.org isn’t just in this for the coin, and or course the millions of personal email addresses it has harvested over the last few years and sold on”.

Despite not changing anything, the petition went on to gain a further 40,000 signatures, and more importantly raised a total of €3,908 for change.org’s bank account, thus fulfilling its goal in swapping kudos for cash, and making your friend out to be a pillar of society.

“If only I had this years ago when everyone thought I was a right selfish little prick,” your friend concluded, “at least now everyone thinks I’m sound”.

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