Googling Cancer Now The Number One Cause Of Cancer

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A QUICK Google search on the leading causes of cancer has shown that googling the leading causes of cancer may be the leading cause of cancer, WWN can confirm.

By simply asking the world-leading search engine for information on your symptoms, the average person is 10 times more likely to receive disheartening news which will then up their stress levels by a huge degree, leading to the manifestation of cancerous cells followed by cancer itself.

Research has shown that even the mildest of non-cancer symptoms in unrelated body parts can be construed as stage-4 cancer after a Google search, with the onset of the actual disease sure to follow.

“We’ve had healthy people ask Google about sore arms, only to find themselves diagnosed with pancreatic cancer within 12 months” said Dr. Rasheev O’Neill, head of search engine-related carcinogenic research for the World Health Organisation.

“The search results fill the patient with such dread that they literally get cancer just from believing they have it. All of these diagnosis’seses could be avoided if the patient were to check with a medical professional instead of sticking ‘is my leg got cancer’ into Google, but unfortunately we’re way too advanced as a society to think about doing such an archaic thing”.

Meanwhile a follow-on study has shown that searching for information on cancer using Bing is almost guaranteed to give you AIDS.

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