IN A landmark deal, WWN has secured an exclusive extract from your girlfriend’s latest “nothing’s wrong. I’m fine” speech which is due for release sometime this evening.
Publication of the unprecedented follow up to last month’s “you’re not wearing those shoes, they’re all scuffed; it’s Sharon’s wedding” will likely take place on the couch in the sitting room, thanks in no small to the fact you didn’t take out the bins as promised and you seemed to trail off last night and this morning as she tried to tell you all about her new job.
While the sparse, piecemeal narrative style of “nothing’s wrong. I’m fine” has its critics, it is also celebrated by passive aggression and poor communication fans. WWN has reproduced it below so you can judge for yourself.
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.”
“Really, you’re not going to ask me?”
“No, I just think it’s funny that when something happens to you, it’s made out to be the biggest disaster since the Titanic sinking.”
“It did sink, it hit an iceberg. Fuck sake. And yes, okay, fair point, I said ‘nothing’s wrong’ but nothing was until you decided to zone out when I was talking to you about work last night”.
“Tired? I’m tired too! That’s the point, I was working 14 hours shifts and trying to tell you about it and you…are you…did you just fall asleep there while I was mid sentence? Fuc-king-hell!”
[aggressively folds arms and turns up volume on TV, mutters something under breath]