Media Weeps As Last ISIS Stronghold Falls

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DELEGATES from the world’s media have offered a 21-pen salute to the gallant men and women of ISIS, in a moving ceremony to mark the fall of the last stronghold of the terrorist organisation.

With the last members of the Caliphate holed up in a desperate, hopeless siege in Syria, journalists and editors from the biggest news outlets on the planet shared a touching eulogy to the headline-generating, paper-selling gift that was Islamic State.

Since hitting headlines in a big way in 2013, ISIS have managed to keep themselves in the headlines with a series of brutal and horrific attacks and executions, most of which were posted online, giving newspapers and online news outlets a much-needed shot in the arm after Al Qaeda had ‘lost their appeal’.

“Here’s to you, you crazy walking headlines” sighed one journalist, pouring a drop of ink on the concrete.

“What are we supposed to do now that the last big bad Middle Eastern guys are all gone? I’ve got 500 words to write for an article tomorrow, and I’ve got nothing. No beheadings, no towns overthrown, no child brides, no casual Islamaphobia dressed up as journalism, no open racism in the comments sections… God bless you all, ISIS, you have no idea how much you meant to us”.

Hopes now grow that a new terrorist organisation will blossom from the ashes of ISIS, with arms manufacturers joining journalists in a day of silent prayer for this to happen.

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