DIETARY needs such as gluten intolerance and nut allergies will have to be permanently imprinted on customer’s foreheads, according to new proposals laid out by the government today.
Minister for Health Simon Harris is reportedly aiming to introduce the new measures from September 1st this year in a bid to cut down on the number “annoying pricks” returning dishes to the kitchen because they didn’t read the allergen warnings properly.
The announcement will force celiacs and people with food intolerances to tattoo their dietary needs right onto their foreheads to warn waiting staff what type of person they’re dealing with, with the move expected to save thousands of tonnes of wasted food every year, and probably some lives.
“It doesn’t have to be too big,” Simon Harris insisted today while detailing the new proposal backed by the Food Safety Authority of Ireland (FSAI), “all they need to do is get a small tattoo anywhere on their forehead so that everyone knows what kind of intolerant the person has”.
The proposal will also force vegans to be branded, along with shellfish, dairy and even religious requirements such as halal.
“Yes, there will be a lot of people with tattoos on their heads, but at least they’ll be alive and not choking to death or being struck down by whatever God they’re trying to please,” Minister Harris finished.