History Of God’s Forgotten Second Son, Dave

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BORN just two years after his brother Jesus, David Christ is seldom afforded more than a footnote in history books and religious documents.

A painter of middling talent Dave traveled throughout what is now today’s modern Middle East, spreading his own message but sadly he failed to reach the heights of his brother and struggled with the expectations placed on him in the aftermath of his brother’s death.

Known as ‘Dave’ to his handful of friends, private diary entries of the younger Christ brother were discovered in the late 1950s but covered up by the Vatican officials who felt his existence could lessen the unimpeachable reputation of God, with Dave being the second example of the Lord being an absentee father.

While it has been written that Jesus could have had as many as five brothers including James, Joses, Judas, Simon and David, Dave marks the only brother to have been sired by God.

Dave’s diary talks of a distant Jesus who threw himself into his work as the Saviour of humanity, often neglecting his duties as an older brother.

“He’s socialising with the prostitutes and the homeless again today. Not so much as an invite,” an angry Dave once wrote.

Once Dave moved out of the family home when he became a man aged 12, he took to making a living as a painter, but struggled to make money.

“Couples ask me to paint their portraits in Galilee, always asking me to get the Hula Valley or other tourist hot spots in the background,” Dave wrote, “so they can hang up the paintings in their homes and show them off to their friends in a bid to up their social status. But they don’t want to pose for longer than 5 hours so I get halfway through the painting and they leave without paying saying it’s not worth their time. I’m broke,” a defeated Dave once wrote.

In the wake his brother’s death and resurrection Dave’s resemblance to Jesus caused him much annoyance.

“Today I was mobbed at the Temple, I told people I was Dave Christ not Jesus but they kept staring. I lost my temper and shouted ‘why don’t you take a painting, it’ll last longer’ but then someone yelled ‘if it’s anything like your paintings it’d be a big waste of time’. Everyone laughed, I was crushed. My brother once said love they neighbour, but they’re all assholes”.

Frequently tucking into his now deceased brother’s water collection, Dave became a drunk and soon very paranoid.

“Mother states I too was delivered as a divine seed after a vision from an angel, but the older I get, the more I fear I look exactly like my stepfather Joseph; I fear I was not conceived out of wedlock by Dad (God),” Dave’s private writings can be torturous to read, his anguish plain to see.

One diary entry saw him foreshadow how the church would subsequently try to suppress his existence.

“Bought that Mark guy’s Gospel everyone was raving about. I’m not even in the Dad forsaken thing! It’s like I don’t exist. This isn’t right.”

In a bid to escape the long shadow of his brother he ended up on the island we now refer to as Corsica. Setting up a small religious sect, and ultimately finding contentment. His final writings reveal a man at peace with who he is.

“Okay, so I don’t have as big a following as my brother. And so what, I don’t have any cool party tricks, but I told that new girl in the village that Dad would strike her down if she didn’t kiss me and she totally believed it. We kissed for like 10 seconds. It was awesome. I’m going to send her a dick portrait later, hopefully she’s into it. Things are looking up”.

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