Increasing Number Of Liverpool Fans Left With No Fingernails

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FOLLOWING on from a nervy Champions League first leg tie against Bayern Munich and awaiting Sunday’s cagey match against a revitalised Manchester United, an increasing number of anxious Liverpool fans have chewed their fingernails down to nothing, WWN Sport can reveal.

Gone are the memories of early January during which time Liverpool fans sauntered around with their chests puffed out in arrogant pride in knowledge they were 7 points clear, replaced this week with a stadium load of nervous wrecks, unable to shake a jittery, paralysing fear of certain failure left to gnaw maniacally at their fingernails.

“I don’t like the look of United at all these days, not one bit,” shared one diehard Liverpool fan with all the confidence of a fan supporting a relegated team on a 34-game losing streak and a goal difference of minus 178.

In recent games the always passionate supporters of the Merseyside club have been afflicted with a skittish and near hysterical sinking feeling that sooner or later this push for the league will all be over, ending in tears and disappointment.

“We can still do it, we’ll rediscover our best form against United, I can feel it,” confirmed another Liverpool, who would have been more convincing had he not absentmindedly chewed away his finger nails down to his wrist bone, exposing his flesh.

Those with understandable doubts about whether their club can end the Premier League season as champions can take solace from manager Jurgen Klopp’s steely, unwavering calm, confident persona.

“We can do it,” Klopp said, his face twitching violently as he pulled fists full of hairs from his scalp and chewed on his assitant’s fingernails.

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