Local Boyfriend Definitely Won’t Cheat Again, Promise

ONE LOCAL WATERFORD boyfriend has vowed he will never cheat again after he was caught being unfaithful, copper fastening his ironclad half-apology by stating ‘I definitely won’t cheat again, promise’ WWN can reveal.

Cormac Naffin, still current boyfriend to Ashling Mongan despite everything that has gone on, has confirmed now on at least 53 separate occasions in the last 60 seconds that it was ‘only the once’ and ‘will never happen again’.

Relationship experts had initially estimated that Naffin probably had about 5 seconds before the bollocks was kicked off him by a hurt and devastated Mongan, however, with the reassurance of renewed faithfulness coming with a ‘promise’ on the end, all bets are off.

“This Cormac prick knows that a word like ‘promise’ is so powerful it can have the ability to completely pacify someone who’s world has just shattered before their eyes and in some cases it even erases the cheated-upon individual’s memory,” confirmed serial watcher of pleading men, Dr. Yvonne Stitch.

While it is a constantly evolving scene, Dr. Stitch went out on a limb and suggested that as long as Naffin doesn’t say something like ‘well, look I’m not the only one at fault here’ he could be in the clear.

Despite reoffending rates among cheaters being at 110%, Mongan may well accept Naffin’s Oscar worthy performance and maintain her relationship with the 25-year-old piece of shit due to the fact she has declined to ring any of her close friends for a quick pep talk and dose of reality.

“Promise?” asked Mongan, wiping tears away from her eyes.

“Promise,” confirmed Naffin, like butter wouldn’t melt.