If Home Alone Happened In Real Life

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HOME Alone tells the high-jinx filled story of the McCallister family, who accidentally go on holidays without their 8-year-old son Kevin, who has to fend off a pair of burglars until his folks land home for an emotional reunion on Christmas Day.

Watching Home Alone nearly 30 years after its release, it’s hard to imagine how such a caper could occur in today’s age of smartphones and increased airline security, but let’s take a look anyway and see how the McCallister family would get on…

Dec. 23rd: Morning- The McCallisters leave to catch their flight to France. During the 90 minutes they spend queuing through security, they notice Kevin is missing. They Skype him and he says he’s okay. They return home.

Dec. 23rd: Afternoon- The McCallisters arrive home. Kevin is missing. The police are contacted.

Dec. 24th: 24 hours later, Kevin is officially listed as a missing person and a hunt begins. Appeals are launched on social media, and the story quickly achieves viral status. There is widespread criticism for the McCallister parents for leaving their child at home on his own while they went to the airport.

Dec. 27th: Peter and Kate McCallister appear at an emotional press conference, begging anyone with information about their son to come forward. People analyse Kate’s body language, and question Dad Peter’s blaise nature about the whole thing. The McCallisters make an uncomfortable joke about how they ‘never forget their luggage’. Online hostility towards the McCallisters builds.

Jan. 1st: A lead involving a pair of unknown men spotted patrolling the area in a beat-up van marked ‘OK PLUMBING’ in the weeks leading up the disappearance of Kevin McCallister go ignored as the police turn their attention towards the McCallisters themselves. The parents are brought in to the precinct and grilled separately for eight hours. Online fury is reaching fever pitch, with ‘McCallisters are filthy animals’ trending worldwide.

Jan. 3rd: The McCallisters are listed as suspects, but never formally charged.

Feb. 10th: A leaked photokit of a ‘person of interest’ is leaked to the press, showing what appears to be an old man with a beard, carrying a shovel. Nevertheless, the mood worldwide remains that ‘the parents did it’.

May. 23rd: Six months and dozens of hoax sightings after Kevin McCallister disappeared, police quietly move the file into their ‘cold case’ department. Kate McCallister publishes a book about her ordeal.

Dec. 23rd: A year after Kevin’s disappearance, the McCallisters attempt to give their kids a Happy Christmas by taking them on vacation to Florida. After another mix-up at the airport, one of the kids accidentally tries to board a jet bound for New York, and is shot by air marshals.

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