BRITONS across Britain have been advised to stockpile basic necessities such as fish n’ chips, lovely cuppas and Catherine Tate Christmas specials ahead of Brexit, under fears that a no-deal exit may cause shortages and price hikes across a range of British goods.
With Theresa May’s deal struggling to gain footing among MPs, stark warnings of the effects of a No-Deal conclusion to the Brexit story include nightmare scenarios such as jellied eels soaring to as much as thrippence ha’penny per pound, and plates of tripe and liquorice skyrocketing to over 8 Queen’s shillings for an airing cupboard-full.
Mills & Boon novels, football hooliganism and eggy bread are all set to see price hikes, and the cost of insuring your motor car for a jaunt to the seaside to ride a donkey and look at the illuminations looks set to follow suit, according to British economists Warren Warrenton III.
“The threat that an Englishman wouldn’t be able to afford a swan fillet roll after Brexit was once thought of as mere scaremongering by the Remain side… I’m afraid to tell you that it’s much more real than ever before,” said Warrenton III, stockpiling monocle grease while he still can.
“We also face significant problems with our medical supplies… post the no-deal exit, we may find ourselves running short of leaches, and boiled rags. Restaurants may not have enough dripping or pies or mash or bangers or brambley apple pies for pudding. Whatever is to become of us?”
With the embattled Tory party running out of time to suggest a workable alternative to a no-deal exit, black marketeers are set to make a fortune selling under-the-counter Gin & Tonics, foxhunts and novelty fake plastic breasts.