Local Man Looks Up Old Friends On Facebook Hoping They’re Worse Off Than Him

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ONE WATERFORD MAN has gone full time with his favourite pastime, dedicating himself fully to the joyful hobby of looking up old friends and acquaintances on Facebook in the hopes of discovering their lives are in a greater degree of disarray than his own.

Cillian Hartigan (36) often trawls the social media network in search of ‘blasts from the past’ placing a careful gaze over whatever information he can find about this former school, college and work friends’ lives, anything that could hint at the fact they’re doing worse than he is.

“Fuck sake, ‘engaged’,” Hartigan said dismissively of a woman he once kissed in college, frustrated that his planned evening of delighting in observing people less well off then him in their personal and professional lives had run aground.

“Look at this prick, you can see his Jaguar in the background of one photo, but he’s not showing it off at all which really means he must be very financially secure, like he’s not even bothering to make a point of it. He must have something approaching decent self-esteem the bastard,” a mournful Hartigan bleated.

“Still doesn’t change the fact he pissed himself on a school tour when we were 9,” relayed the bitter Waterford City man recording a minor victory against a man who was, unlike Hartigan, married, a father, a home owner, successful and not on social media looking up people long forgotten.

Subsequently unable to find an old work colleague on Facebook he was sure would definitely be destitute or dead, Hartigan expanded his search to Instagram but came up empty, rendering his evening’s plan of feeling better about himself because someone else was miserable a complete failure.

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