NEW legislation has been rushed through the courts ahead of the 2018 Christmas Season, to ensure that every Irish household has their Christmas tree up before the annual Late Late Toy Show, with heavy penalties for those who miss the deadline.
The new law gives people just days to get their tree down from the attic and decorated, while roaming spotter vans are keeping an eye out for households who don’t have their tree up but are still watching Ryan Tubridy pretend to have a good time while wearing a silly jumper and making age-inappropriate jokes to the demonstrators on the show.
Tree-less households will be subject to 30 days of Christmas jail, a penalty which will see them miss out on Christmas itself, as well as the never-ending shame that they had a chance to have a great Christmas but they just couldn’t be bothered.
“At last, we have regulations in place over what a perfect Irish Christmas should look like,” said a spokesperson for RTE, who tirelessly campaigned for the new laws.
“We’ve made great strides towards standardising the Christmas experience, so that everyone can enjoy it equally. Tree up, toy show, RTE Guide with a red biro…. there’ll be no more rogue Christmas, nobody enjoying it in a way that offends or conflicts with your own traditions. Tubridy bless us, one and all!”.
The news has come as a devastating blow to husbands across the country, who had hoped to not go up into the attic for another fortnight at least.